Preparing for 24 years, not just 24 hours

As a wedding and event planner, my favorite aspect of the job is the ability I have to help design and implement beauty that is pleasing to the eye. Along with the decorations, I get to see ALL aspects of the wedding planning process, including the way the couple interact with one another and what they find most important in preparing for their marriage and wedding day. 

All to often I see the bride and groom getting lost in the details of planning, and if I am completely being honest, I do to. Recently, I have been more sensitive to this issue and want to take a moment to get more personal. 

Prior to my very own wedding/marriage my expectations were full of fairy tales and lots of loving. I was naïve in thinking that there wouldn't be difficult days and that the key to a long, lasting marriage wouldn't take WORK at all! I expected my husband to allow me to do whatever, whenever and however, without throwing a fit and with complete support. His expectations were different, but also self seeking at times...a barefoot and pregnant wife, home cooked meals and a perfectly cleaned home when he came home from work each day. I thought he would continue to wine and dine me, and he thought I would give him daily love notes that would never cease. 

This was certainly not the case and was almost culture shock upon revelation. Lust quickly became starch reality. No more wine and dining, or cute little notes--go ahead and add kids to this recipe, along with disagreements, kids fighting, careers, long hours, pet peeves, worldly influences, all kinds of kid activities and an enormous amount of other distractions.

I have to admit that after my husband proposed to me in Africa...this was grand(oh man, if he asks me big questions like this all the time, I am going to be the luckiest girl ever!)I came home from that amazing, surprise proposal and quickly got lost in the wedding hype, showers, the decor, and all the ideas I had in creating something unique. I hit the ground running and soon forgot why I even said "yes" to the man of my dreams. I can say without question that most conversations we had as a couple during the 6 months of planning, were quickly "wedding" related. What kind of food, how many tables and chairs, what was our color and theme? We forgot to continue dating. Forgot to continue getting to know what our likes and dislikes were and most certainly forgot to build a strong foundation for the next 24 years of marriage instead of the 24 hours of wedding celebration.

My 7 year marriage has had it's challenges, but I can say that after 7 years, it has truly become about "love" and not lust. Sometimes, love is a daily choice even, but I know God has brought me the man I am suppose to live life's adventures with. I share this in hopes that you will ask more of the hard questions and have more uncomfortable conversations that are not all fun to set the foundation for a strong marriage before your big wedding. 

While we aren't the way we used to be be walking down the aisle, we can still integrate the things we loved about each other during the 'lust" stage; notes, diners out...they just simply mean more now, especially when it is not as common as before the "I Do".

I think it’s important that newlyweds-to-be discuss what is expected in a marriage—what each person hopes for and how they plan to make it work for them. Couples are really doing a disservice to their lives together if they don’t discuss the big issues before they take that final walk down the aisle. Now, let me assure you, I know that there will be conflict even if you do your homework before hand. Preconceived notions and comparing our relationship to other couples; that's what gets us into trouble!

Here are some questions you can ask on your next date that will begin to create open communication between you and your fiancé, all while preparing for a day that honors your life long commitment to each other. 

• Besides love, what is your main reason for marrying your partner?
• What are three things other than appearance that you love about your partner?
• What does the word "compromise" mean to you and how will you apply it to your marriage?
• Who will do the majority of the household chores?
• How will they be divided if you both work?
• If you plan to have children, how many would you want and when would you like to start growing your family?
• How much of your income would you like to save?
• Do you save?
• How do you prefer to spend your free time?
• Are you impulsive or a planner? 
• How do you deal with the unexpected?
• How do you deal with conflict/confrontation?
• Do you share the same level of religious commitment?
• How will you resolve disputes?
• What’s your 5-year plan (both personally and professionally)?

What are some creative ways that you might be preparing for your marriage while planning your wedding? We would LOVE to share with others!

BURLAP is the new BLACK

We are always looking for fresh, creative ideas for wedding inspiration. I recently attended the Red Barn Sale in Benton, Kansas and was fortunate to meet a very creative artist there; Mindy Betthauser, Owner of The MASH Wife. Her personalized touches and creativity give her designs that one of a kind look. So, in honor of fall and BURLAP becoming the new BLACK, I want to introduce you to this amazing creator.

In her own Words:

"I am a Child of God, proud Army wife, Mother to a little furbaby (Riley Bugsly our Lhasa Apso), fitness fanatic, and a kitchen adventures, outdoors enthusiastic,health lover, a Fibromyalgia patient, craft doer, DIY-er, party planner...ok really organized planner of everything, furniture refurbish-er, hiker, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and my new role very proud Auntie! I love to take pictures, be outdoors, hike,work-out (in fact as I type I am doing leg work-outs) play games,and make things. I never thought I would blog, in fact I first thought blogging was well rediculious until I started reading blogs and started learning, laughing and sharing with others. I am now a HUGE fan of blogs! I have been talking about starting a blog for almost a year now but not being technologically impaired I kept putting it off because I didn't know what I was doing but today I woke up and said "Mindy(that's me!), lets do this!"

Some of her creations:

 

 

 Please check out her Facebook page for more pictures! She has quite the collection! 

 

As you can see, it was easy for me to fall in love with all of her hand-made merchandise! Mindy wants to make the day of one bride, by giving away a customized, ring bearer pillow.

To win:

Like The MASH Wife on facebook

Checkout and/or Follow her blog

Like Events By Ashley on facebook

 

Please leave a comment on THIS BLOG POST, for each task completed.

Winner will be announced, October 1, 2012 

"Forever" Friday

Jeff and Noel Buller

As told by Bride Noel

Tim Davis Photography

Jeff and I met at 242 (a young adults group which we attended for years). I was on a 242 retreat one weekend and Joni, Jeff's sister, was there too. One of my friends turned to me and said, "Oh my gosh you have to meet Joni's brother, you two would be great together!" I just laughed and thought nothing of it. A few months later I am sitting next to that same friend at 242; she nudges my arm and says, "ohh my, turn around, Joni's brother Jeff is here!" I turned around and looked, then said back, "ehhhh.. he's not my type!" He was wearing a Hurley hat and Chuck Taylors which made me think he was a total punk kid.... I was wrong :) Soon enough we started hanging out with the same group of friends and getting to know each other. At that time I was taking two-stepping lessons with some friends when one Monday night guess who shows up? Jeff! This was his attempt at getting to know me better. That night I stayed late to help him with his two-stepping... That is where it all began. Jeff and I started dating shortly after; we were best friends and enjoyed nothing more then spending time together. We spent a great deal of time with each other’s family and went on many fun adventures together; everything was wonderful, but something didn’t feel 100% right.

 Jeff and I dated for about a year and a half when we decided to take a step away from our relationship and spend a greater amount of time seeking out the Lord to see what His will for us as individuals and as a couple was. This was literally one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. Here we were, best friends and we loved each other dearly, but we decided to take a break. During this break we both immediately started individual counseling with Randy Storms to really look into the people that we were and how our pasts had influenced our lives. We spent three months actively pursuing the Lord and His will for our lives and our possible life together. Those three months were the toughest yet sweetest months I’ve ever experience. We only saw each other every Thursday night; we would sit in his truck and talk about our counseling that week and how the Lord was working in our hearts. It was so neat to have a front row seat to each other’s transforming hearts. As those three months passed by we started spending more time together and it finally became clear that what we desired so deeply, which was to be together, was also the Lord’s plan for us! How neat and how amazing that our God heard our cries, desires of our hearts, and answered our prayers! We began dating again just three months after we began our break and started counseling. Once we began dating again we knew this was it, we were committed, and we knew that we were being called to marriage.

Just a few short months after we began dating again, Jeff showed up at my house on a Friday morning and told me to pack a bag. He had already called into work for me. He whisked me away to California where he had an amazing weekend planned out for us. On Saturday evening, at sunset, he took me to a beach in Malibu where I had to climb huge rocks to make it to a secluded beach. On the beach, behind a rock, there was a blanket covered in seashells, candles, and pictures of us. He had written our love story on the back of these pictures from before we started dating until that very moment... He asked me to stand up; he proceeded to tell me how much he loved me and how thankful he was for all the work that God has done in our relationship.. He got on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I didn't say yes.. I said OF COURSE! J Three and a half short months later we were married! June 1^st, 2012 was the most incredible day of my life and I praise God for His work and His provision! I am so fortunate and richly blessed to have such an amazing husband and best friend in Jeff.

When I look back at our Love Story its easy for me to think, gosh, dating, taking time apart, then dating again? Really? That is not the love story that I dreamed about having when I was a little girl. But you know what? This was a story about the Lord, and the work that He can do. During those three months Jeff and I spent apart, God completely transformed our hearts and our love for each other and also for our hearts for Him. We are forever thankful! J

Tim Davis Photography

Tim Davis Photography

Personalizing Your Accessories

Do you have your eye on a hair accessory, but want to make it yourself? Here is a small picture tutorial to help get you started. Look on Pinterest or Etsy to find something you like and then find the pieces that you need to assemble the design you have choosen but don't forget to add your personal touch. All you need is a glue gun and scissors to start putting it together!

Want to add a birdcage veil to your design?

D.I.Y. Love Monday's! Moss Balls

D.I.Y. Moss Balls

Moss balls are super easy to make and will cost you $3.00-$7.00 depending on if you are able to get them half off at Hobby Lobby or a discounted price at Michael's

All you will need is a package of sheet moss and any size of foam ball. For this project, we are using a 6 inch diameter ball. Make sure your hot glue gun is nice and warm and you have plenty of glue stick. Start by putting hot glue on a section of the ball, then tear off a piece large enough to place on the glue. Continue till your foam is completely covered. Each ball will take no more than 10 minutes to complete. Happy crafting!



Bonus project!!!

Do you have a bunch of wine corks laying around?!? Grab them and make a rustic business card holder, or as place setting card holders!



12 Tips to A Stress Free 2012 Bridal Show Experience!

Congratulations to all of the newly engaged couples! This coming weekend is The Wichita Bridal Show located at Century II and The Kansas City Bridal Show located at Overland Park Convention Center. Attending a bridal show can be most helpful in planning your wedding. They are exciting, festive and full of terrific ideas. You will be able to meet and ask questions from many wedding professionals all under one roof. You will want to gather information, compare prices and services, receive discounts, register for prizes, see the latest fashions, get great new ideas and simply just have fun.  The bridal shows are big so go early. Plan to spend a minimum of 4 or 5 hours in order to see all the exhibits. Don't be in a rush to get through! When you first walk into the show it can be very overwhelming, daunting and stressful. I have come up with 12 tips for the year 2012 that will help you have an productive, enjoyable time!

1. The most important and also the most obvious would be solidifying a wedding date before you go so that as you are talking to vendors you will be able to see if your specific date is even available.

2. Before you go to the show, make a list of the different vendors you need to get information on and some keys questions you have for each one. Such as: venue, catering, florist, cake, photographer, etc.

3. Before you start talking to any of the vendors, take a stroll around the show. Sample cake, look at decor, take brochures, watch the runway shows, etc. so you see what all is available. After you have been able to look around you are able to better understand your needs and wants and will be able to communicate that better when you talk to each of the vendors you will be needing.

4. Start a conversation with the people at the booths. Don't be shy. You will know right away if they are someone you would want to work with in planning for your special day. It is very important that you get a long with the vendors you choose. 

5. Wedding shows are not supposed to be stressful or overwhelming. There is so much to see and so many vendors. Taking your time to view each exhibit will help reduce the stress. Remember wedding planning is preferably done over time, not in one day. It's one decision at a time.

6. Bring a small notebook and pen. You never know what tips or ideas you'll discover and want to write down. It will also be hard to remember which vendor told you what.

7. Some vendors offer drawings for prizes. To make this a speedy process, bring address labels to save time in filling out registration blanks.

8. Material swatches that suggest the colors of your wedding are helpful when speaking with florists, bakers, gown shops and other professionals. Know the size of your wedding party, your color scheme, and the location of your reception facility if you have already booked your venue. You may also want to bring pictures of some of the things you have seen that you like for decor to show to the different vendors as well so they have a good understanding of your vision.

9. Have a couple of people attend the show with you so that you have more eyes to see and ears to hear all the things you will be taking in.

10. A lot of vendors give discounts at the show. Take advantage of this if you are able to.

11. Ask lots of questions. The show is filled with wedding professionals, and while you're there you should take advantage of the opportunity to learn as much as you can. These vendors want to impress you with their knowledge of their particular specialty...take advantage of it!!!

12. Be confident in what you need and stick to your budget, but also stay true to your tastes, style, personality, etc...so that there are no regrets later on. This is a day in your life that is like no other, you want it to be perfect, so go with your gut!